verizon
the last hour and seven minutes of my life
Auto-Operator:what would you like to do today?
Me: cancel my service
Auto-Operator:why?
Me: I am moving
Auto-Operator: where are you moving?
Me: I don’t want to tell you that.
Auto-Operator: please specify where you are moving, and I’ll connect you to the correct department.
Me: new york
Auto-Operator: did you say new york?
Me: yes
Auto-Operator: I will now connect you tot he correct department.
Me: thanks
New York Sales Associate: Hello! How are you on this happy friday?
Me: I’m a bit on edge right now actually.
New York Sales Associate: Glad to hear it! I understand you’d like to set up new service in new york?
Me: No, I’d like to cancel service in DC.
New York Sales Associate: I can’t help you with that
Me: Then why did your system automatically transfer me to you? (as if I don’t know)
New York Sales Associate: Must be a fluke Ma’am.
Me: Can I talk to someone who can cancel my DC service?
New York Sales Associate: sure
Kill Bill Theme Song - risky choice for hold music I think.
Ms Yolanda (DC Sales Associate): Hello, this is Ms. Yolanda.
Me: Hi Ms. Yolanda - I’d like to cancel my service. My phone number is … The amount of my last payment is … I’m moving and I do not require Verizon Service in my new location.
Ms Yolanda: Okay Sweetie, I understand and I just need to transfer you to another department.
Me: great
Mr. Curtis (Customer Retention Team): Hi Ms. Heffron, I understand you are moving and would like to cancel your service.
Me: you nailed it.
Mr. Curtis: Out of curiosity, where are you moving to? What’s the zip code?
Me: I do not want verizon in my new location.
Mr. Curtis: I understand that Ma’am - I just need to put it in the system.
Me: 11211
Mr. Curtis: ohhh new york. you know we are running a promotion in new york right now. it is only 60$ a month for phone and internet.
Me: That’s not a promotion, that’s what I pay now. I do not want verizon anymore. I want to cancel my service.
Mr. Curtis: Okay, I can’t help you with that, need to send you to a different department.
Me: I’d rather speak to your manager.
Mr. Curtis: my manager can’t help you either. I need to send you to the moving department.
Me: okay
Kill Bill Music - feeling even more appropriate.
Mr. Ellis: Hello this is Mr Ellis. How can I help you.
Me: Hi Mr. Ellis. As context. you are my 5th contact of the day. I’d like to cancel my service. My phone number is … The ammount of my last payment is … I’m moving and I do not require Verizon Service in my new location.
Mr. Ellis: Oh that is not something I can help you with. You need to talk to the office in the location you are moving too.
Me: I’ve spoken to them and they sent me to you.
Mr. Ellis: If you tell me where you are moving to, I can transfer you back.
Me: I want to speak to your supervisor.
Mr. Ellis: Okay. Transfering you now.
Kill Bill…
Supervisor: Hello Ms. Heffron. What seems to be the problem today.
Me: I’d like to cancel my service. My phone number is … The ammount of my last payment is … I’m moving and I do not require Verizon Service in my new location. I’ve been transfered 5 times, I will never get DSL again, and I’m switching my mobile to AT&T.
Supervisor: okay, well we can’t process that request for you, but let me transfer you to the group that can.
18 minutes of silence (this is when I’m supposed to give up and keep my service forever.)
Supervisor: Ms. Heffron. There was actually a gas leak in the department that can cancel service and so they are having a fire drill. Would you like to hold until they come back or would you like them to call you back.
Me: I’d like to hold because I believe they will never call me back.
Supervisor: Okay, I’ll just place you on hold now.
23 minutes of silence (they are playing hardball now)
Ms. Olla: Hello, thank you for calling verizon. How can I help you?
Me: I’d like to cancel my service?
Ms. Olla: Okay, phone number?
Me: ##########
Ms. Olla: Amount of last payment?
Me: $$.$$
Ms. Olla: And when would you like that be be turned off?
Me: July 30th
Ms. Olla: your confirmation number is ###########. Anything else I can do for you today?
Me. No
Ms. Olla: have a great day!
Done.
OH MY GOD this is horrendous! I hate Verizon. Srsly.
